This week I wanted to talk about suffering... Because, sure what else would you want to talk about to kickstart the week?
The reason though is of course, because I want to help you eliminate it, so we'll chat about the uncomfortable side of it first and then I swear you'll get delightful solutions that can help you end it for yourself (and we'll get that Monday motivation flowing ☀️.)
This work comes from what I learned at Tony Robbins' event recently and it's really powerful when we put it to work. Ultimately, we can choose to live in a beautiful state no matter what, if we decide to. And to do that, we've got to free ourselves of suffering.
How do we free ourselves of suffering?
Our old friend, awareness, is of course where we'll get started. We've gotta ask how we're tolerating suffering now.
So get curious, what is your 'favourite flavour' of suffering?
What emotional states do you get stuck in?
What moods linger and drain your energy?
Get honest with yourself and find these answers.
For me, I tend to choose frustration and overwhelm. Delicious...
I let myself get frustrated and lose energy to circumstances outside of my control, I get mad about things that don't make sense or are unjust and unfair. I do overwhelm instead of getting organised, or take on too much and then get caught up in how much there is to do. These are the emotional states that create the most suffering for me.
These are my favourites and when I let them play out, I exacerbate my own suffering and keep myself out of the joy and contentment that I really want. Some of my old favourites would've been depression, guilt, anxiety, worrying, self-pity, and stress.
So take a moment to consider what yours are - what are those emotional states that don't serve you that you keep finding yourself in?
Next up, ask:
What triggers them?
And when you get triggered, what do you feel and do?
This is key because once we start recognising our patterns, we give ourselves the opportunity to interrupt them and create new ones.
So the next question is:
What are you going to do instead? How are you going to break your own pattern?
This where you take your power back and start creating solutions.
I've started forcing a laugh every time I can feel frustration rising, I do this big fake laugh and it turns into a real one and from that place it's way easier to let go of whatever is about to cause me suffering. With overwhelm, I notice it and take a big deep breath, let out an audible sigh and make decisions from that place on how I'm gonna make my workload easier.
Another example is if something really pisses you off and instead of getting mad, you say Oh Golly! Or something along those lines that you'd never say and it breaks that pattern of anger or lashing out from kicking off.
You can do anything here that'll break your state and the more ridiculous or funny you can make it, the more it'll shift you out of that old flavour quicker.
There's a 90 second rule that Tony says to use, where you let yourself be un-resourceful for up to 90 seconds and then you've gotta decide if that's the emotional home you want to live in or if you're deciding to change it up. When we end it quickly, we kill it while it's small and it's much easier.
Remember we're always in charge of our choices.
Okay there's a lot in that, so digest it, come back to it and most importantly, put it into practice as often as you can so you can claim more and more authority over your reactions, your feelings and the state you live your life in.
If you want to learn more of these kinds of ideas with the support and accountability to use them to make lasting changes, check out our group coaching package.